24th September 2018

Creative Writing AS1.4 (90052)

Time Frame 1: Before Football gameTime Frame 2: After Football Game
Raining
wind blowing
fired up/ready to go
warm
walking onto the pitch
hyped
going through what I need to do
friends around all chatting
other team watching us with tense eyes
smell smoke
Raining
wind blowing
tired and sore
cold
walking off the pitch
sad about losing
going through what I should have done
knowing it can’t change what happened.
everyone quiet heads down/sad
muddied knees
other team walking off chatting going over their best parts
nose has blocked up
Language techniqueTime Frame 1: Before Football gameTime Frame 2: After Football Game
AlliterationThe colourful crowd chatter away about who’s child is theirs.
Simile Rain like pins pierce my skin.
MetaphorThe oppositions beady eyes reflect off us affecting only the parents.shake hands
OnomatopoeiaThe whistle blows.
RepetitionIn my mind I go over everything I need to do: pass the ball, call for the ball, dribble the ball, score.go over what I should have done
PersonificationWind makes the tarpaulins cry out in frustration; they cannot keep their footing.
Emotive language
RhymeThe amount of mud stuck to my knees is like a beehive filled with bees.

Football

1st time frame:——————————————————————————————–:

My parents yell “Good Luck!” as I stride on to the pitch. Confidence shines off me through my clean new boots. I see fresh green grass not knowing what it is about to go through. My muscles are ready and firing to go as if they are being held back. In my mind I go over everything I need to do. No, Will do: pass the ball, call for the ball, dribble the ball, score. Wind makes the tarpaulins cry out in frustration; they cannot keep their footing as they get dragged away. Rain like pins pierce my skin. The colourful crowd chatter away about who’s child is theirs and identify the most intimidating players in the opposition. My team jump around trying to avoid the bitter cold. I feel the cold slowing me down, so I join the synchronised jumping. The opposition stare us down, but their beady eyes only reflect off us and affect our parents mindset. We set up and try to fight away any doubt of failure, as this is the game we must win. The whistle blows. I am ready.

2nd time frame:——————————————————————————————-:

The whistle blows. Our heads drop to the ground. We had lost. Galloping gazelles leap around hugging each other over their success. Our team walks up to them grudge-fully to shake their hands even though no one really wants to, and as we walk away from them we can hear them trash talking. The crowd to the right cheering and clapping their team off, to the left the crowd is packing up ready to leave for the long journey home. The rain still aggressively attacks my skin. I can hear the tarpaulins still crying out in frustration this time over our gruelling defeat. In my mind I go over everything I should have done and the mistakes I made: I should have passed the ball, I should have called for the ball, I should have dribbled the ball and I should have scored. But there’s nothing I can do about that now. The amount of mud stuck to my knees is like a hive filled with bees. The muscles in my legs throb after over an hour of intense use. I no longer see grass just ripped up ground with toe deep mud. I glance down at my boots and think to myself: “Oh … I’m going to have to clean these again.” I walk up to my parents, though they are disappointed they will always support me and I am thankful for that.

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  1. Well done for experimenting with different sentence lengths; there are some nice effects from this syntax here. Be aware that your first timeframe is shorter than your second so you may need to look at the development of ideas between both. Lastly, watch “one-line descriptions”; if you introduce an interesting idea, you could extend this idea by explaining it in more depth for your reader.

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